Fear and Self-Doubt? You’re Not Alone!
“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”~African proverb
I had a wonderful experience attending my first writer’s conference over the weekend. And today I binged on learning and networking at a gathering of women entrepreneurs. What a bright spot they’ve been in a stretch of gloomy days when spring refuses to show up! At both events I was struck by the way fear and self-doubt can cripple even the most talented individuals. My friend asked me to address this universal obstacle so I fished around in my archives to find what I wrote when I was in the tentacles of feeling as if I wasn’t enough.
It’s crazy, I tell you. All of us have the mistaken belief that we’re unique and rare. Really? No other person has ever bled the way we’re bleeding. No one else has ever hurt the way we’re hurting or felt the anguish we’re feeling. But you know what’s truly amazing? Whenever we open up our “secret” can of worms, others are suddenly willing to show us theirs. That’s when we find out how many others are struggling with the same emotions as we think we’re wrestling with, all alone.
About a year ago I wrote about a day I crashed emotionally. I was deeply ashamed I couldn’t think or talk or pray my way out of it. After all, I’m master of my own ship, right? I chart the course of my life and my feelings and I’m the boss of me. But try as I might, I couldn’t shake off the hateful thoughts I had in my head. Loser. Too old. Not smart enough. Who do you think you are anyway?
Self- doubt, I thought it was just me
Surely, none of my self-confident, successful and intelligent colleagues ever fall prey to such a pathetic meltdown! I finally reached out to loving friends who suggested I search a specific uplifting song. I played it over and over, allowing the words to soak into my soul like a healing salve. They encouraged me and reminded me how much they care for me. Incredibly, sleep brought a much needed quiet to my spirit and I awoke the next morning feeling peaceful.
Fast forward a couple of days. I sat in a circle of faith-filled women that meet every week at the crack of dawn, my early bird Bible study. The topic was our personal brokenness. I was astonished by the stories that poured out of women who I thought had their life in perfect order. Regrets from the past and disconnects with loved ones spilled into tissues dabbing at teary eyes. All of us.
“Imperfections are not inadequacies; they are reminders that we’re all in this together.”~ Brené Brown
So what are we learning?
What’s the takeaway from knowing it isn’t ever just me? I would say it’s learning that everyone we meet, no matter how perfect the wrapper appears to be, struggles sometimes. All of us. And, we heal most quickly if we allow ourself to understand it’s not weakness but rather a part of our very human condition to falter on occasion. That, dear one, is one of the strongest arguments for seeking out the company of like-minded people.
Even more, I believe it’s essential to know it’s not only okay but it’s strong and healthy to ask for help when we need it. Maybe the most important thing to know is this. When we are asked for help, recognize what a gift it is to be chosen! A true measure of a trusted friendship is to be allowed admittance to someone’s dark moments. Offer your wholehearted love. Be the comfort, be the kindness. It will bless you greatly!
“Here’s what is truly at the heart of wholeheartedness: Worthy now, not if, not when, we’re worthy of love and belonging now, right this minute. As is.”~ Brené Brown
Ask me about my new program Know Your Why! Know Your How! Know Your Wow! It’s a fast paced, eye-opening hour that can change the way you see yourself and help you see life with new eyes! Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.